birthdays and balance

 

Today is my birthday.

And somehow on every birthday I get ushered into this deep [sometimes dark] space of introspection.

I now embrace this thought journey though!

I grab a pen and paper. And I just go for it.

This year as I reflect, journal, and feel, what I’m noticing most is how much my definition of balance has changed.

Ellie’s previous definition of balance: perfectly upholding all tasks with… perfection. DUH!

Ellie’s NEW [and evolving] definition of balance: the capacity to tap into [and maybe even embrace!]
surrender amidst structure.

You often hear me say… structure breeds freedom. It does! I love it. I teach it. I preach it.

But what I’m starting to notice [especially this past year] is just how much I exclusively worship structure at the expense of surrender.

Are the two mutually exclusive?

Maybe not!

When I’m at my best I feel deeply, I love more fully, I’m receptive, and I ALLOW [instead of force].

It’s not as linear which of course feels so scary. So…

What would it look like if my day had just enough structure to contain the flow, the softness and the creativity?

Insert deep inhalation of receptivity.

The way I envision this [and have been experiencing this] is analogous to a fish bowl: the structure in which I coordinate my day is the glass container and within it is wild messy water that can ebb and flow, splish and splash. Within the wild ambiguity of the flow is abundant life.

I’ve been feeling it [when I let myself] and I’m committed to it as I make another trip around the sun.

I wholeheartedly believe we have masculine and feminine qualities. Culturally, the more predictable qualities bent on DOING are more highly esteemed.

But what I’m learning is this: the impact of the DO is accentuated tremendously by the FEELING along the way. When the two are combined, well? It’s a state of balance unlike any other.

What does this balance look like in practice? Maybe I wake up and go to bed at the same time. Maybe meals are [relatively] at the same time and consistent in what they give me.

But what if I took that spontaneous outing to the botanic gardens? Or what does it look like to playfully plan a wine date with my sweetheart? It all fits beautifully within the structure of my day [if I tap out of robot mode and into flow mode].

I’m committed to it and challenge you to think about where you personally can tap into your more masculine side filled with structure and drive but pair it [equally] with the capacity to feel your feels and nurture your more erotic, wild, crazy self.

Cheers to a NEW definition of balance!

Ellie

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