These last 3 weeks may or may not have been some of the most confusing weeks of my life.
I’ve had to make hard decisions [blindly], navigate uncharted waters [with grace I didn’t even feel I had], and fight each day to rise above some of the [emotional] turbulence.
And if I’m going to be honest, I don’t look back and think, “Wow Ellie! You nailed that.”
Instead, what I’ve noticed was a recurring theme of consistently being incredibly hard on myself for not having answers every step of the way.
My mom always says, the difference between a tragedy and a comedy is time. Thank heavens!
I suspect the “comedy” comes with perspective so as I contextualize what I’ve been feeling I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity that what I’m being hard on myself for is for not having a crystal ball. Ha!
So the question I can’t help but ask moving forward is this: “what would it look like if I came to uncertainty and confusion from a place of forgiveness?”
Forgiveness for not having all the answers.
Compassion for the lack of clarity.
And grace for being human.
Admittedly, I had never tried this on for size until I HAD to this past week. And the result?
It was almost as though when I stopped fighting against the confusion [and lack of clarity] I came to my questions from a place of openness, clarity and connection.
And then it was as though a “detergent commercial” started playing in my head “acceptance – your new and improved formula will break up all of your dirty patterns.”
But then I thought to myself. Maybe this pattern isn’t even dirty.
Maybe it’s just part of being human.
Dang. I have a lot of work to do.
You must think you’re reading my “dear diary” entry.
But here’s why I’m bringing you into my life and sharing with you what I’ve been feeling alongside the discoveries I’m making [even if they are a bit raw].
I want you to feel a sense of peace too when you are confused or don’t have answers. Instead of following in my footsteps and fighting hard to pretend to know all the answers [even when you are freaking out inside], whip out the “detergent of acceptance” and notice how you shift to a place of creativity and ease.
I can’t quite explain it yet. Nor do I understand the physics of this phenomenon.
But I’m trusting it. Will you?